Handling Workplace Bullies and Jerk
Guest Blogger: Barry Moline
I recently encountered a strange bullying situation, and it got me thinking about how best to deal with these jerks. I searched online for advice on “dealing with bullies,” and while there’s good information, much of it is generic. It often doesn’t account for the whirlwind of confusion and negative emotions we feel when we need to respond professionally in real time. Here’s how I handled the situation and what I’ve learned about bullies over the years as a CEO.
Bottom Line: Always Confront the Bully
Never let a bully think their behavior is acceptable. We’ll go over some strategies, but remember this: always confront the bully. Even if your response isn’t perfect, letting them know they’re on notice is crucial.
Why Do Bullies Bully?
Bullies have low self-esteem and put others down to feel better about themselves. They think, “I’m better than you because you are worse than me.” It’s a twisted way of thinking that non-bullies find weird and difficult to understand. So when they bully, try to feel sympathetic. They were likely bullied before, and their behavior reflects what they learned from others. While you feel sorry for them, remember: you will teach them how to interact with you. It won’t be perfect, but you’ll guide the process.
Is This Really Happening? (Evaluate the Situation)
Every bullying situation feels strange, which is why it’s easy to get caught off guard. Because I generally believe in the goodness of people, I often think, “Is this really happening?” Start by doing a quick situational analysis. If you find yourself thinking, “I believe this person is bullying me or my colleague,” trust your gut. Don’t overreact, but once you recognize the situation, get ready to act.
And that’s the key takeaway: Always confront the bully.
Why Act?
The public nature of meetings can add pressure, but it also provides an opportunity to address inappropriate behavior in a positive way. Your goal shouldn’t be to humiliate the bully, even though that would feel great!. Embarrassing them often leads to revenge. Instead, think of yourself as an Olympic torchbearer for professional behavior. Take on the role of a referee and call out unacceptable behavior.
Stay Calm (It’s Tough, But Try)
Advice on bullying often suggests staying calm during these situations, but let’s be real—your blood pressure rises, and it’s hard to stay cool. Still, give yourself the space for a physical response that allows you to act. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and shake your head if needed. Let everyone see you take a pause; you’re asserting control. When you’re ready to step in, consider even standing up to project authority and confidence.
Keep the Focus on the Meeting
Bullies often try to derail meetings by shifting focus away from the topic at hand, especially in front of authority figures. They may try to embarrass you or raise unrelated issues. Don’t take the bait. Redirect them by saying, “We’re talking about X at this meeting,” and stay on track.
For example, I once had a colleague try to embarrass both me and an underperforming employee, Sam, during a meeting with our boss. (I was working with Sam to improve his effectiveness.) The bully raised issues about Sam that were unrelated to our meeting topic. I calmly said, “This meeting is about the quarterly report. Do you want to stop and change the subject to discuss Sam?” When he sarcastically replied, “Of course not,” I added, “Good. Let’s stay focused, and if you’d like to discuss Sam, you can schedule an appointment with me.”
The goal isn’t to put the bully in their place; it’s to show them how to deal with you. Stick to the agenda, and don’t let them pull you into their drama.
Follow Up and Document the Incident
After confronting the bully, follow up with a neutral email. Keep the tone factual and avoid being antagonistic. Use phrases like “In my opinion,” or “It seemed to me,” to frame your observations. Let them know you’re documenting the situation and copy your boss and HR. This ensures there’s a record if the behavior continues.
Stand Up for a Colleague
If you see a colleague being bullied, step in. I recently intervened when a colleague, Bill, was caught off guard by a bully, Fred, during a project meeting. Fred was attacking Bill’s management skills, so I interrupted him by saying, “Fred, Fred, Fred!” until he stopped talking. I then said, “Fred, you’re expressing your opinion, and you’re entitled to it. But if you’re going to state your opinion, you need to first say, ‘In my opinion.’ Can you do that?”
Fred, visibly frustrated, complied, and the situation de-escalated. The bottom line is that you must confront the bully. Always.
Conclusion
Handling workplace bullies requires a combination of calmness, assertiveness, and strategic action. Stay composed, set clear boundaries, redirect the conversation, and follow up appropriately. Addressing bullying behavior not only improves the current situation but also helps create a more positive workplace culture.
Got a bullying situation? Send me a note—I can help.
Barry Moline is a longtime CEO and public speaker specializing in teamwork, leadership, and influence. With extensive experience in managing diverse teams, Barry provides practical insights and strategies for fostering a positive and productive workplace. Connect with Barry on LinkedIn for more tips on effective leadership and team management, or at barry@barrymoline.com
